Book Review: The Cheat Code for God Mode

Posted on November 16, 2013 | Leave a comment

The Cheat Code for God ModeThe Cheat Code for God Mode by Andy de Fonseca

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Every year, I look forward to the New Bizarro Authors Series, when I get to read new and untested voices in fiction. This series is all new authors, who have not previously had a published book, to test the waters for one year and see how well they are accepted by a wider audience.

I began this year by reading The Cheat Code for God Mode by Andy de Fonseca, which proved to be troubling. Not bad, just troubling, primarily because this book’s greatest strength is also its biggest weakness which is what makes writing and scoring this review so difficult.

Margy Plum and Victor Vance live in an odd world, where portals and wormholes are everyday modes of transportation and 8-bit pets are programmed to their owners’ needs. But something is amiss. First, Margy is having what she can only describe as psychotic episodes where she thinks she’s someone else. Then the two of them discover a game that, after entering a special code, allows them to change and control the world around them. This catches the attention of some rather special people who have been trying to track this game down for a long time. Unfortunately, I can’t say much more about the plot without giving away too much. This is part of the mystery of the book which I don’t want to spoil.

The characters are well written and even sympathetic. As far as a bizarro book goes, it’s also relatively tame, with any sexual references toned down or only implied. The editing is also very good, with few or no errors to pull the reader off the page. Which is good, because the plot is so involving.

Okay, those are the basics. To get more complicated, the book is just the right length. I know that sounds weird to say, but this is one of those instances where it fits. Sometimes I complain that these bizarro books are too short, and they feel like there is a lot more story left to tell. With The Cheat Code for God Mode, this is not the case. The author crams a lot of story into a fairly short space, and makes it work. What’s even more interesting is that it’s a complete story that doesn’t feel rushed. You get a full, satisfying tale that doesn’t leave many loose ends in a short space.

So, what’s the problem? That takes some explaining. This book is a nerd’s dream. It has tons of references to pop culture, science, and everything in nerdom. This made it a lot of fun as I read through it and could pick apart all the little things I recognized. Even a large chunk of the book is based on an actual scientific hypothesis of parallel universes.

This is where the problem comes in. When I review a book, I try to see it from more than one perspective when it comes to recommending it. I can tell if I enjoy a book, but I also try to imagine if it will be enjoyed by, well, not-me. And there’s the rub. It ‘s actually very hard to tell if this would be enjoyed by not-me. While it calls out lots of things that will make a nerd giggle with glee, I can see not only the jokes going over the heads of those who aren’t familiar with the subject, but possibly missing the point altogether. The book easily feels like it could have been a heavily hyperlinked ebook, or a heavily footnoted book like David Foster Wallace’s Infinite Jest, just so that people who aren’t familiar with the little nuances or the main subject could understand what they are and why they’re there, although the humor might still be lost on them.

It makes a great start to this year’s New Bizarro Authors Series. While this book has compelling and sympathetic characters, a great and full story, and lots of little references and jokes that fit well in the context and aren’t simply shoe-horned in, The Cheat God for God Mode gets a high recommendation but with grave reservations. If you’re a nerd who’s familiar with science and pop culture, you’ll get a lot out of this. But if you don’t, then you may end up feeling very lost in this strange universe.

The Cheat Code for God Mode by Andy de Fonseca earns 4 8-bit chickens out of 5.

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Geek Out: Night of the Doctor

Posted on November 16, 2013 | Leave a comment

WritingIf you’ll forgive me, I need to geek out for a moment. As many may know out there, I’m a huge fan of “Doctor Who.” Not just the new series. I was a fan of the show all the way back with the classic series. We’re approaching the 50th anniversary of the show, one week from this posting, and a couple of days ago, we were given a big surprise: A prequel to the 50th anniversary special called “Night of the Doctor.” And, oh boy, was it a big surprise:

While it’s cool, when put into the context of the original series, it becomes very chilling and could have serious implications for the series to come.

First, we get the return of Paul McGann, the Eighth Doctor. This is something fans have been clamoring for since the series restarted in 2005, especially since it was confirmed that his Doctor is considered canon to the series. So people have wanted closure with his Doctor. They’ve wanted to know what his Doctor did, how he died, and any details of his adventures. We get this in droves with this special.

Not only do we see how this Doctor died, but the Doctor confirms that the Big Finish audio productions are canon by naming his companions during those adventures. This is where the trouble begins. Up to now, the audio stories have not been considered canon to the series. So if those are now a genuine part of the story, does that mean that the Virgin New Adventures novels are also part of the story as well?

If they are, this spells a lot of trouble for the Doctor. In “Night of the Doctor,” we also get the return of the Sisterhood of Karn from the 1976 story “The Brain of Morbius,” keepers of the Sacred Flame and the Elixir of Eternal Life. The Sisterhood had a relationship with the Timelords, where the Timelords would sometimes need their Elixir, at least according to “The Brain of Morbius.” But in the Virgin New Adventures, that connection went deeper. In the books, Timelord society as it was seen in the classic series rose after overthrowing the matriarchal religious society under their ruler Pythia. When they were cast out, they fled and settle on Karn, their remnants becoming the Sisterhood of Karn.

So, if this is true to the story, as it’s now indicated that it might be, that means the remnants of Pythia were responsible for setting the Doctor up to destroy the Timelords, the society who rebelled against them and cast them out. This could potentially have far reaching implications for the show.

Geek moment over.

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Book Review: You Are Sloth

Posted on October 31, 2013 | Leave a comment

You Are Sloth!You Are Sloth! by Steve Lowe

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

The sloth: An odd tree-dwelling animal, the most commonly referred to species of which has three toes and a permanent smile on its face.

The spammer: An internet-based douchebag who sends unsolicited email in bulk.

How are these two related? In You Are Sloth by Steve Lowe, a criminal simply known as the Spammer has begun sending out emails that turn people into their power animal. When you (yes, you) are turned into a sloth, you must join with your neighbors Cross the Asshole and Randy the Retard (named so by Cross the Asshole), you must track down the Spammer, discover his dastardly plot, and reap some three-toed vengeance.

So, the first thing you’ll notice is how I referred to “you” as the main character. That’s because this book is written in a second-person perspective (for those not familiar with literary terms, first person is “I,” second person is “you,” and third person is “he/she/it,” to put it quickly). The second-person perspective is usually used in things like those old “Choose Your Own Adventure” books. This is not one of those. It’s simply an experimental way of telling the story, and it works. I have to give Lowe a lot of credit for risking this kind of perspective. It’s odd at first, but you get used to it very quickly.

The second thing is that this book is funny. It is really funny. The humor is gross, inappropriate, and yet given the characters this book deals with, it couldn’t be any other way. These are very low-brow characters. If you don’t like lots of feces or mature themes in your story, especially death by bukkake, this might not be the best book for you. For me, it works perfectly in the context of this story.

The story flows, the characters develop, and it’s a fun journey along the way as you discover how to be a sloth. If anything, this book actually reminds me a little of Lowe’s earlier book Muscle Memory. In both books, characters find themselves in different bodies and have to come to terms with themselves, what they’ve done, and how they’ve lived their lives. This similarity isn’t necessarily a bad thing. I liked “Muscle Memory,” and while it’s a similar theme, the story itself is completely different.

I can’t really find a fault with this book. It’s hysterically funny, thoughtful, experimental, and really just an outright fun book to read. You really can’t go wrong here. Steve Lowe has written what is arguably one of the best books I’ve read all year, and I’m not exaggerating when I say that.

You Are Sloth by Steve Lowe earns 5 three-toes out of 5.

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Book Review: The Haunted Vagina

Posted on October 31, 2013 | 1 comment

The Haunted VaginaThe Haunted Vagina by Carlton Mellick III

My rating: 3.5 of 5 stars

Cue music from “The Exorcist.”

Okay, I’ll give you a moment to clean your screen off after you just read the title and spit out what you were drinking.

So, what is The Haunted Vagina by Carlton Mellick III about? Really, you’re going to ask that? Okay. Imagine if your girlfriend’s vagina was the portal to another world with strange creatures inhabiting it. That’s the situation that Steve finds himself in. And…that’s pretty much it.

The really odd thing about this is that the simple concept actually works. Through Steve’s exploring this strange new world, it gives Mellick a chance to perform an almost straight-up world-building exercise. It’s a strangely interesting world with a mysterious history.

Steve himself goes through an interesting if very quick character evolution. The character is believable, switching between a coward and pretending to be brave because his girlfriend tells him to do something he really doesn’t want to do (who hasn’t been in that situation?). At the same time, the character evolution seems a little too quick and convenient. While it fits with the story, it also feels like the story itself could have been changed a little to slow down the character development.

One thing, which should be obvious, is that this book will not be for people who are squeamish around sexual situations. At least I really, really hope that’s obvious. Mellick doesn’t shy away from being fairly descriptive in these scenes, nor does he mince words. But, then again, if you’re going to pick this book up, you’re already expecting this, so I’m not sure why I’m even mentioning it.

The prose and editing are clean, which is a huge plus. Again, it’s a pet peeve of mine, so I’m glad this one was a smooth read, and I could stay in the book very easily without my inner editor distracting me.

While The Haunted Vagina is actually a decent book (quality-wise), and Mellick seems to have put a disturbing amount of thought into how a miniature world inside a woman’s womb would actually work. While the story is short and works in its own way, sometimes things feel a little convenient for pushing the plot along towards its conclusion a little too quickly. It ultimately feels more like an exercise in building an interesting world, but sacrifices a more involved story in the process.

The Haunted Vagina earns 3.5 tubes of lube out of 5.

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Book Review: Time Pimp

Posted on October 31, 2013 | Leave a comment

Time PimpTime Pimp by Garrett Cook

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

What happens when you mix pimps, time travel, pandas, and leather nuns inside the brain of a deranged bizarro author? You get Time Pimp by Garrett Cook.

Now, I have to admit something: The only book by Garrett Cook I’ve read until now was Jimmy Plush, Teddy Bear Detective, which I was not the biggest fan of. It was okay, but even accounting for its noir feel, it still felt very bleak and seemed to be missing a lot the fun that such a situation should have had. Or at least that was my take. So when I started reading “Time Pimp,” it wasn’t without some apprehension.

I’m happy to say that Time Pimp came off completely differently and captures the joy that Jimmy Plush seemed to miss. Time Pimp is a fun, wild ride through time and space, from biblical times to the end of time itself and bizarre worlds with elements that seem random, and yet these random elements fit together perfectly in ways that you can’t even imagine.

The story is bright and colorful. Well, about as bright and colorful as black and white printing can be, but it gives the feeling that everything is bright and colorful. Time Pimp is a pimp (well, duh!). Actually, he’s not just any pimp. He is a pimp whose stable of hos are from every time and planet and can cater to every desire. His client list includes some of the most influential people in history. He is a master of alchemy, can turn basic water into cognac, and drives a giant purple time-traveling Cadillac. But, like the reader, he has no idea how time travel works. It just does.

This is not a difficult thing to overcome for the reader, however. No one (almost) knows how time travel works in this universe, but no one needs to. It’s not important and doesn’t distract from the story at all.

Time Pimp himself is not a caricature, despite what the description sounds like. There are four closely related stories that blend into one. Over the course of these stories, we learn that Time Pimp is actually very flawed and has a history that has led him to the point where the book starts. Time Pimp evolves, learns, and changes in excellent ways, along with other characters. We learn about his archenemy, Death Pimp, and what their relationship is. And we learn about the true nature of the psychic octopi that swim inside the absinthe in his platform shows. If I say much more, I’m afraid that I’ll give too much away.

Yes, all of this fits together, and fits together beautifully in a way that surprisingly doesn’t stretch the imagination. In fact, the evolution of Time Pimp and the other characters goes from being fun and funny to almost touching and thought-provoking, and not in a jarring way, either. In other words, Time Pimp doesn’t jerk you around with a bunch of random and weird stuff. It evolves and actually has a grand and satisfying climax. It’s more than a simple slice in the life of Time Pimp.

If I have one complaint about the book, it’s the editing, which is a real shame. Cook has some really great writing and a great way of phrasing things, not to mention keeping the characters in character so that their dialogue stays consistent. But there are errors throughout the book that bug me. Like in other reviews I’ve written, editing errors are a pet peeve of mine, and tear the reader out of an otherwise sublime story. And there’s enough in this book that I have to detract from the overall score.

If you’re looking a fun read that is still definitely bizarre with good, strangely believable characters that evolve with a story that has a satisfying payoff, then Time Pimp will work nicely for you. Unless you’re a little bitch. You’re not a little bitch, are you?

Time Pimp by Garrett Cook earns 4 fine scotches out of 5.

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