Tag Archives: bizarro

Book Review: Janitor of Planet Anilingus

Posted on November 21, 2012 | Leave a comment

Janitor of Planet AnilingusJanitor of Planet Anilingus by Andrew Wayne Adams
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Jack is the janitor on the entire Planet Anilingus, a planet dedicated to…well, you can look it up yourself. Anyway, Jack is employed by the Vatican, who runs the planet, as well as other planets dedicated to every fetish imaginable. However, at this time during Lent, the planet is deserted except for Jack. Or is it?

It turns out that he’s not alone. But who, or what, is the mysterious woman Nimue, and who is trying to kill her, and why? All these questions are answered (yes, they are ALL answered) in Janitor of Planet Anilingus by Andrew Wayne Adams.

Jack himself starts as a rather dull character, but it’s probably what makes him more identifiable. He’s just trying to do his job. He has his routine. He mostly wants to be left alone to his life and his work, but grudgingly accepts that he can’t necessarily do so. He’s sort of an everyman. On a planet dedicated to anilingus.

Again, the editing in this year’s class of the New Bizarro Authors Series has been excellent. They’re not falling into the pitfall of grammar, punctuation, or spelling mistakes that pull the reader off the page, and I’ve complained about before. It makes this book so much more enjoyable.

And it’s really, really good. Of this year’s NBAS books, this one has so far been my favorite. Despite the name, there’s not as much sex as one would think. It’s actually an exploration of religion, gods, dragons, devils, and the nature of life. With anilingus. Hey, it is a bizarro book after all. This book is actually really high-concept, which is strange. This is the second NBAS book this year that I’ve described as being deep. So either they’re getting better, or I’m getting more shallow. Only time will tell on that one.

As I’ve mentioned, Janitor of Planet Anilingus is part of the 2012-2013 class of the New Bizarro Authors Series, which means that this is the author’s first published novel. With quality and concepts like those in this book, Adams should have a promising career ahead of him. This book gets a high recommendation.

Janitor of Planet Anilingus by Andrew Wayne Adams earns 5 snaking tongues out of 5, and an attempt to see how many times I can mention anilingus in one review.

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Book Review: Gutmouth

Posted on November 21, 2012 | Leave a comment

GutmouthGutmouth by Gabino Iglesias
My rating: 3.5 of 5 stars

Welcome to the future! Consume!

Gutmouth by Gabino Iglesias takes place in a future where everything is run and mutated by Megacorp, a huge corporation that took over from the government by releasing a biological agent that created mutations and only they knew how to control them. Insert Monsanto joke here.

Our hero (as it were) has a particular mutation that caused him to grow an obnoxious talking mouth in his gut. Actually, the author seems to have put a lot of thought into how this could physiologically work. That’s a little more disturbing than anything else.

When his hooker girlfriend cheats on him with the mouth, he decides to exact revenge on her. But how can he do this when everything is watched by Megacorp? How does one take out a potentially valuable consumer without notice?

I found this book surprising in more ways than one. To start, the editing is actually quite good. Editing problems are a common complaint I’ve had with bizarro books, and so far this year’s class of the New Bizarro Authors Series, of which this book is a part, has been surprising me in this regard. It bodes well for the future.

This book is bleak. I mean really bleak. It depicts a heavy dystopian future that may turn some readers off. Still, if that’s your thing, you’ll probably like this book. It’s really a matter of taste.

A complaint I do have is that there aren’t many surprises. Most of the book is told as a noir-style flashback. We sort of know what happened, but we’re watching it carried out. And it sort of plays out the way you would expect. Up until the end (and there is a bit of a surprise at the end), it felt a bit like the movie “The Man Who Wasn’t There.” But there’s not a whole lot else.

In short, the descriptions and imagining of the world are great, but the plot itself leaves a little to be desired and doesn’t leave the reader with many surprises or mysteries, which is surprising given the noir-style the author uses.

As I mentioned earlier, Gutmouth is part of the 2012-2013 class of the New Bizarro Authors Series, which means that this is Gabino Iglesias’ first published novel. It’s a good effort, and it did keep my interest, but by the end I felt a bit deflated. Still, I look forward to his other work to see how he grows as a writer.

Gutmouth by Gabino Iglesias earns 3.5 klepto-roaches out of 5.

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Book Review: Avoiding Mortimer

Posted on November 21, 2012 | Leave a comment

Avoiding MortimerAvoiding Mortimer by J. W. Wargo
My rating: 4.5 of 5 stars

If you like some social anxiety mixed in with your bizarro, this is the book for you.

Mortimer avoids everything. He avoids life. He avoids relationship. He avoids his family. Mortimer simply exists but does nothing with it. When he lets his guard down once and does something other than avoiding things, it ends in disaster and…well, so does Mortimer. But that’s not the end of the story in Avoiding Mortimer by J.W. Wargo.

Actually, it’s a very touching story. Mortimer is in a constant battle with the world, but in reality is in a constant battle with himself. Mortimer is a walking, talking anxiety disorder, and he has to overcome his reason for being (or not being as it were) to save himself, his friends, and the all of life, not mention the afterlife. There’s more to that, but it would give too much away.

A common complaint that I have with bizarro books and independent writers is that the editing can leave a little to be desired. That is not the case with this book. The editing is sublime and clean, making it easy to read. I wish more independent writers and publishers would take a little more time to clean things up a bit, because it makes a huge difference. Kudos to the author and editor for this.

If I have a complaint about this book, it’s that it beats you over the head with the theme a little bit. Yes, Mortimer has a generalized and social anxiety disorder (although come to think of it, that’s never explicitly said in the book). And yes, I know it’s the theme of the book, but sometimes I felt like I just wanted to move on to the next subject. Move the story forward. Keep the character development going. I’ll point out that there is indeed character development and growth, and it feels kind of deep for a bizarro book. It’s almost comes off like a modern bizarro fable.

Something to note about this book is that, for a bizarro book, it’s actually relatively tame. While most bizarro books include lots of sex and violence, and while there is some in this book, it’s very lightly done, and Wargo takes a much gentler hand with the reader, focusing more on great plot and character development over shock value. It’s kind of refreshing.

Avoiding Mortimer is part of the 2012-2013 class of the New Bizarro Authors Series, which means that this is Wargo’s first published novel. And it’s an excellent start. I’ll be looking forward to Wargo’s future work.

Avoiding Mortimer by J.W. Wargo earns 4.5 shots of love out of 5.

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Book Review: The Crud Masters

Posted on October 27, 2012 | Leave a comment

The Crud MastersThe Crud Masters by Justin Grimbol
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Let me get something out of the way before I go into the main review. The Crud Masters by Justin Grimbol is based on The Outsiders, a classic novel many were forced to read during school. I, however, was not. I have never read it. I have never seen the movie. So I went into reading this novel cold, without any prior knowledge of the material that it parodies. That being said, take this review with a grain of salt.

The Crud Masters are a poor gang that lives in a Hamptons-like seaside town and is menaced by the rich kids of NOLA. However, the world’s shorelines are also being menaced by Dagoons, giant mutant creatures that come up from the ocean to attack coastal communities. No one knows where they have come from or why they are so aggressive.

Our main character, Boogers, suffers from a chronic case of nasal congestion after he was addicted to nasal spray and gave it up. The other Crud Masters include a cuddler, a brash loudmouth, a young girl, an old man, an aging blue sexbot, and a moddy (someone who has modified their body extensively, in this case to look like a bear). During a night about town, a couple of them encounter the NOLA kids who attack them with their Transformer. No, seriously, his car turns into a giant fighting robot. This leads to some bad blood and the demands for a rumble. But how can the Crud Masters hope to beat the NOLA kids when they have an unbeatable robot?

I’m not sure if it was just me or the fact that I haven’t read The Outsiders, but I had a bit of a hard time getting into this one. Don’t get me wrong. It’s an easy read, and the final climactic scene is certainly fun and satisfying, but for some reason the overall novel just didn’t quite click with me. The characters are well developed, to the point that I did feel a bit sad about the tragic end of one of them. The plot makes sense, or at least as much sense as a bizarro novel can.

I guess that my biggest problem is the pacing. The pace at which the plot flows feels uneven and jerky. Then again, the original could be the same way and I just don’t know it. I’m judging this book on its own merits.

The Crud Masters is part of the 2011-2012 New Bizarro Authors Series, which means that this is Justin Grimbol’s first published novel. It’s a respectable effort and I did enjoy it, but probably not as much I thought I would, especially based on the awesome cover art. Again, I may not be giving this novel a fair shake, but I have to give The Crud Masters by Justing Grimbol only 3 out of 5 rampaging monsters.

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Book Review: Placenta of Love

Posted on October 27, 2012 | Leave a comment

Placenta of LovePlacenta of Love by Spike Marlowe
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Captain Carl is a Robo-pirate who develops and falls in love with an artificial intelligence that he has implanted into a placenta. This all takes place in an amusement park that covers the entire planet Venus. Don’t worry. It’s a lot to take in, and probably oversimplifies it a bit.

This is the basic plot behind Placenta of Love by Spike Marlowe, part of the 2011-2012 line in the New Bizarro Authors Series, which means that this is Marlowe’s first published novel. Each chapter begins with the description of a particular attraction around the park and how it works. It’s actually quite creative. It makes one wonder if the author may have been a Disney Imagineer in a previous incarnation.

The plot is decent. There’s some odd characters to be had, but nothing that’s really out of the realm of a bizarro novel. You have a Robo-cat that shows up and requests that Captain Carl gives it “spankies.” You have Pope Natzo Innocent of…okay, I’m not going into that because it would spoil the plot, and because this review would become an entire tome in and of itself were I to go into it.

It’s actually an interesting exploration into the how a childlike A.I. would potentially learn about its surrounding, decide it doesn’t want to do what it was designed to do, but then discovers that it may be necessary to address its true nature. In an amusement park. On the planet Venus. Well, it’s certainly a better exploration of this than that God-awful movie “A.I. Artificial Intelligence” for which I still haven’t forgiven Steven Spielberg and quite possibly never will.

The writing and the story line are good, if a bit far-fetched physically, which when dealing with a bizarro novel is saying something. My biggest complaint is probably the characters. Captain Carl and even Natzo Innocent are written well, with Carl as a developing and learning A.I., while Natzo is an experienced A.I. and has learned more about the ways of the world. But a lot of the other characters felt a little flat. Even Helen, Captain Carl’s love interest and titular placenta, comes off a bit two-dimensional, only pushing the boundaries of a third-dimension and not quite taking shape. Still, strip out the bizarro elements and it’s a classic, tragic love story. And I have to give the author credit for her creativity in actually thinking about how such an amusement park and each ride would work. That kind of attention to detail is surprising for a short novella, but helps bring the location to life.

Placenta of Love by Spike Marlowe earns 4 out of 5 glowing orange fingers.

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