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Book Review: Fantastic Orgy

Fantastic Orgy Fantastic Orgy by Carlton Mellick III
My rating: 4.5 of 5 stars

What if sexually transmitted diseases suddenly mutated to give people extreme body modifications that are essentially super powers? This is the premise of Fantastic Orgy, the titular story (huh huh, I said “titular”) in this short short story collection by Carlton Mellick III.

Among these stories are a buff guy with a lollipop for a head trying to pick up women, a bunch of weird looking cats in a world plagued by agoraphobia, punk band roommates in a city overrun with hobgoblins (more on this later), and a group of porn actors who are lost at sea and have no memory of how they got there or how long they’ve actually been there. Each one of these stories brings something interesting to the table, and each one is immensely enjoyable.

If I had to fault one of these stories, it would have to be “City Hobgoblins,” mostly because it just didn’t click for me, although there is probably a good explanation for this. At the end of the book, Mellick has been kind enough to provide an author’s note for each story, explaining the origin and other background information for each one. These are actually really interesting to read, and a good look inside the author’s head. Apparently, “City Hobgoblins” is actually a prequel/origin story to another one of his books, Punk Land, which I haven’t read yet, and didn’t know this while reading it. A failure of the author to disclose this beforehand, or a failure of the reader to know this, I’m not sure. It probably could have been easily fixed by having the author’s note for each story in front of the story, which I’ve seen done in other collections.

Aside from this frustration born of my own ignorance, most of these stories will make you laugh and make you cringe, sometimes at the same time. Keep in mind that these stories are not for the faint of heart, though. There is explicit sex and violence throughout a few of these stories. Well, if the name and cover of the book isn’t a dead giveaway about that one, then you’re probably not much of a reader anyway. Although, admittedly it’s not as over the top as some other Bizarro books I’ve read.

Fantastic Orgy by Carlton Mellick III earns 4.5 bench-pressing muscle cats out of 5.

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Book Review: Jimmy Plush, Teddy Bear Detective

Jimmy Plush, Teddy Bear Detective Jimmy Plush, Teddy Bear Detective by Garrett Cook
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Garrett Cook takes on the hard-boiled detective noir serial genre, but with teddy bears, in Jimmy Plush: Teddy Bear Detective. It’s told as a series of stories which tie together as Charles Hatbox, whose mind has been placed in the body of Jimmy Plush to pay off his gambling debts, tries to solve a series of loosely related cases in a city rife with prostitute furries and stereotypical crime bosses. But what happened to the real Jimmy Plush?

This one is genuinely hard to review, mostly because I’m not sure how I really feel about it. It’s got some good elements and an authentic feel to it. Cook captures the feel and writing style of the old noir serials, racism and all. At the same time, he breaks from this in ways that feel…I don’t know. Inappropriate isn’t the right word. I’m probably looking for a word that’s a little closer to predictable, in that he resorts to memes that seem to show up in a lot of bizarro novels, and a lot of those seem like they’re tacked on just to make it a little more bizarro. At the same time, it’s kind of hard to see where else Cook could have actually gone with it.

If I wanted to get philosophical, at its heart, Jimmy Plush comes down to being a novel of identity. You see, Jimmy Plush existed before Hatbox swapped bodies. And the original Jimmy Plush had a bad reputation. At first, Hatbox tries to be Jimmy Plush and act in the way people expect him to. But later, as Hatbox begins to realize who Jimmy Plush is/was, he begins to assert his own identity. It becomes a story of doing what’s expected of you and who people want you to be versus being your own person. Or maybe I’m reading too much in this. It is supposed be a pulp tribute, afterall.

It’s a solid novel, but it trips over itself a few times. The quality of the prose generally good and for the most part flows very easily. At the same time, the author occasionally trips a little on the flow. Hatbox is not a very likeable character, but at the same time does generate sympathy. He’s kind of weird that way. The other villains, however, are generally stereotypical. Admittedly, that might be part of the point, but then again, there was a lot of unrealized potential for more interesting villains or secondary characters, which was disappointing. Ultimately, Jimmy Plush is okay, but it just didn’t do much for this reviewer.

Jimmy Plush: Teddy Bear Detective by Garrett Cook earns 3 giant beef jerky sticks out of 5.

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Book Review: Bucket of Face

Bucket of Face Bucket of Face by Eric Hendrixson
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

When a book starts with a charging acorn yelling “Leroy Jenkins!,” you know that you’re in for the weird.

Charles is a doughnut shop worker with a kiwi fruit girlfriend. Huh? Well, many years back, a mysterious silver pollen appeared and began spreading, which turned fruit sentient. Since then, society has generally integrated these fruit. But when the fruit mafia has a shootout in the doughnut shop. Charles covers it up, making the dead fruits into pastries and taking a briefcase full of Zimbabwe dollars and a specimen bucket full of human faces, hence the title. A hit-tomato who is searching for respect because many don’t consider him a real fruit, sets out to recover the stolen goods. Think of it as No Country for Old Men, just with talking fruit. That gives you Bucket of Face in a nutshell.

This is one of those books that’s genuinely difficult to talk about, even in generalities, for fear of giving too much away, because there is a surprising amount to discover. This book obviously has a bizarre humor which is sometimes dark and…well, I don’t know if fruit murder is considered dark or not. A common complaint that I have with a lot of bizarro books is that they are too short and I want more. But with Bucket of Face, the length is actually quite perfect. And, interestingly, Hendrixson seems to have put in a lot of thought into the nature and biology of sentient fruit. An almost creepy amount of thought. Anyone check his greenhouse lately?

One breakout bit for me that is not mentioned in any of the promotions or on the cover are the two cops, Mortimer and Mayflower. These cops are actually quite aristocratic, but they put on the face of the low-brow sarcastic beat cop because, simply, that’s what people expected. Those two had me laughing out loud. I would really love to see more of those two show up later.

A complaint that I do have is that there are some editing problems. I know this seems like it shouldn’t be a significant issue, but for me it is and it breaks the flow of some otherwise sublime prose. It may be the teacher in me talking.

I’m looking forward to more of Hendrixson’s work, especially if it involves Mortimer and Mayflower in some way. I’d really like to see where this author goes and what else he’s got up his sleeve, since Bucket of Face, while having a relatively typical crime story, has such an interesting motif that it gives this typical story a fresh twist.

Bucket of Face by Eric Hendrixson earns 4 apple fritters out of 5.

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Book Review: A Hollow Cube Is a Lonely Space

A Hollow Cube Is a Lonely Space
A Hollow Cube Is a Lonely Space by S.D. Foster
My rating: 3.5 of 5 stars

If you follow my reviews, you may have noticed that I review a lot of what’s classified as Bizarro fiction. A Hollow Cube is a Lonely Space by S.D. Foster is part of the New Bizarro Authors Series, which tests the waters with new writers. This one is a collection of short stories. Very short stories. And being from a new writer, this can sometimes be problematic. Fortunately, this collection works for the most part.

Among the stories are the life of an orange, a retiring giant monster, reflections on life by the dead, and a rat trying to work his way up in the world. One of the things that makes this collection so different is how surprisingly thoughtful these stories can be, especially when Foster takes something that’s so mundane and tries to paint it in a special light, or takes the extraordinary and makes it ordinary. Sometimes it works. Occasionally it doesn’t. But these stories are all generally pretty good.

The form and the voice work for the author, although the incredibly short length of these stories makes it difficult to become truly invested in any of them. It would be interesting to see Foster write in longer form, but not in the same voice. Still, it’s easy to recommend this book, and could make a good Bizarro introduction to new readers, or to readers with ADHD.

A Hollow Cube is a Lonely Space by S.D. Foster earns 3.5 plastic princesses out of 5.

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Book Review: Probability Angels

Probability Angels
Probability Angels by Joseph Devon
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

Have you ever read one of those books that you wanted to like so much, that starts out great, but then becomes a major disappointment later on, and leaves you feeling hollow and unsatisfied, worse than it had started out bad?

I’m really sorry to say that Probability Angels by Joseph Devon was one of those books for me.

The first half of the book is really quite interesting. In Probability Angels people are sometimes given a choice when they die, a choice that will change destiny (or probability). If they make this choice they become a newbie. Matthew is one such newbie, having made the choice to die in place of his wife during a mugging. He has become a being made of energy, yet bound to this world, and can’t be seen unless he wants to be seen. Newbies cause most of the problems in the world, from people who start random brawls to inspiring people to cheat on their significant others, and they get money in return for their work. Well, it’s not really money. They receive energy which is represented by money. However, these newbies later get a second choice, when their first choice dies, If they choose to detach from their second choice, they become testers. Testers are responsible for all great achievements in history, as they “push” their targets to inspire them. Pushing is rough and can destroy a tester if done wrong or too hard, but the rewards are enormous amounts of energy. Epp is one such tester, who has been doing this for thousands of years, and is Matthew’s mentor.

Most of the book’s first half is spent setting up the world of the testers and how it works. The above is only a quick summary. We see the history of some of these characters, such as when Epp pushed Isaac Newton, which was, in my opinion, one of the most interesting parts of the book. It almost feels like it could have been an insightful story on the nature of death, inspiration, and the universe itself. In fact, the first half reminded me a lot of Dan Millman’s Way of the Peaceful Warrior.

Unfortunately, at about the halfway point, the book takes a hard turn, and not for the better. You see, some tester can’t make that second choice, and instead follow their choice to the grave, becoming too attached and lying on those graves, unable to remove themselves. They loose energy and essentially become zombies, needing to feed off the energy of other testers. And it’s at this halfway point that the book becomes little more than an afterlife-based zombie apocalypse novel, and not a terribly good one either.

That felt weird to write. It’s about the undead dead. Hmmm…

Here’s the problem: If the book had started out making it clear that it was going to be this way, I might have been able to handle it much better, or I’d at least have been more accepting. Instead, the author caused me to develop inflated expectations only to watch it crash and burn.

Another issue is that Matthew is clearly set up as the protagonist early on and we watch him as he learns about this world and the history of it. But upon the drastic switch in tone, we almost completely lose sight of Matthew and he’s rarely that significant during the second half, if he appears at all. It feels like the author forgot what and about who he was writing and just went for an all out brain dump. Or he got bored with Matthew and his exploration of the testers and started going off in a different, not to mention random, direction.

The ending was, frankly, terrible. It ends far too quickly and with little in the way of satisfaction or answers. I understand that Joseph Devon has written a sequel which many reviewers seem to like much more. I may give it a shot, but I have to judge this book on its own merits. It gets an extra star just because the first half of the book is interesting, but in the end, I can’t give this one a high score.

Probability Angels by Joseph Devon earns 2 pushes out of 5.

Note: A free copy of this book was sent to this reviewer through a Goodreads First Read giveaway. This did not affect this review in any way.

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