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Book Review: The Cannibals of Candyland

The Cannibals of Candyland
The Cannibals of Candyland by Carlton Mellick III
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Being a clown made of candy is about to take on a whole new meaning.

Franklin is a man with an obsession. He watched his siblings die at the hand of a woman made of candy when he was very young. Since then, he has been obsessed with finding these candy people and proving to the world that they exist. He should have been careful what he wished for.

The Cannibals of Candyland by Carlton Mellick III is a dark fantasy that’s bittersweet. After reading a couple of other books by Mellick, I had a pretty good idea what I was in for. At the same time, it turned out to be a much darker story than the other books I’ve read. Dark, but full of candy.

I have to admit that the author has put a lot of thought into how different type of candy could form people, structures, landscapes, etc. Maybe a little too much thought to be healthy, not to mention risking Type II Diabetes. In short, I don’t think I’m ever going to be able to think about having sex with a marshmallow the same way again.

As always, Mellick’s prose is pristine and has a very easy and readable flow to it. But there are a couple of flaws with this book, mostly stylistic in nature. First of all, the characters aren’t particularly likable, especially Jujy. I’m not sure if we’re actually supposed to like her at any point, but she just quite evil the whole way through. Misguided, yes, but still evil. Franklin himself is really rather pathetic and tends to be extremely passive, having more things happen to him than things that he makes happen. It becomes extremely frustrating for a protagonist to be so pathetic, and it becomes very wearing. And there’s not much character development. There are physical changes, yes, but not real personal development, other than going in a full circle. Also, the book is a lot darker than I was really prepared for.

Unfortunately, these flaws are enough to lower my score a bit. I still enjoy Carlton Mellick’s work and I plan to continue reading the rest of his repertoire, but The Cannibals of Candyland simply didn’t satisfy my Bizarro sweet tooth, especially when compared to his other work.

The Cannibals of Candyland by Carlton Mellick III earns 3 red licorice whips out of 5.

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Book Review: FISH TANK: A Fable for Our Times

FISH TANK:  A Fable for Our Times
FISH TANK: A Fable for Our Times by Scott Bischke
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

The first thing I see when opening the cover of Fish Tank by Scott Bischke are blurbs from other reviews, several of which compare the book to Orwell’s Animal Farm. While it’s a valid point, it feels like a cross between Animal Farm, The Lorax, and “Finding Nemo.” In fact, the connection to “Finding Nemo” felt so strong that it was hard picture the characters and events in the book as anything other than cute computer-animated fish.

This is very unfortunate because the message contained in the novel is so important. When Professor Brown leaves his aquarium in the care of Augustus for a year, Augustus decides to cut corners and places a year’s worth of fish food in the automatic feeder so that he doesn’t have to come back to tend to it. However, Augustus grossly underestimates the amount of food which the fish need, a fact that quickly becomes aparent to a few of the more intelligent denizens of the fish tank. As they call for conservation of the important resource, they are met by heavy opposition from the crabs, who continually ensure everyone that there is plenty for everyone.

I won’t go much further into the plot, but suffice to say that this is a not-so-subtle allegory to the current plight humanity is facing inside our own fish tank. The book focuses on the limits and sharing of resources, eventually global warming, the selfish actions of a few who make things worse while assuring everyone that all is well, and the skewed facts they rely on to prove these points. The metaphor is not subtle, which becomes part of the problem with this book.

While Animal Farm may not have been subtle with its allegory of the Russian Revolution and the events that followed, there was an artistry to it that makes the book more translatable. There’s an underlying social complexity that requires the reader to work a bit more but provides a significant reward. But with Fish Tank, there’s not much under the surface (no pun intended). While containing an important message and using a similar device of using animals to represent different parts of society, the message is so heavy-handed that it feels as thought the entire novel is potentially unnecessary or, at worst, might be considered by some to be condescending. Everything is quite blatantly obvious, and little to no work is required on the part of the reader.

Again, it’s unfortunate given the message’s importance, and until the very end, it’s almost difficult to take the fishes’ dire situation that seriously because of the cute imagery. Really, the problem there is simply bad timing. If the cultural significance of “Finding Nemo” wasn’t so prominent, this would probably not be an issue.

I would still recommend this novel for its message, and maybe others will get more out of it than I could, especially because I’ve been so immersed in the subject for a while now (which probably makes me identify with Doc Hansom, the goatfish), but I failed to take as much away from this novel as I probably should have.

Also, I probably should not be writing this review while hungry, because now I want seafood.

As such, Fish Tank by Scott Bischke earns 3 out of 5 starfish.

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Book Review: Piecemeal June

Piecemeal June
Piecemeal June by Jordan Krall
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I’ve been reading Jordan Krall’s books out of order. I’m not sure why. I seem to have started with the longer ones of late and have worked my way down to the shorter books. After reading Beyond the Valley of the Apocalypse Donkeys, Fistful of Feet, Squid Pulp Blues, and King Scratch, in that order, I’ve finally gotten around to reading Piecemeal June.

This book was Krall’s rookie effort for Eraserhead Press, and you can definitely see why people have paid attention to his work from the beginning. If there’s one word that comes to mind when trying to describe this book, it would be “solid.” The plot is solid, the world is solid, and the characters are solid, even if we don’t see all of it.

Piecemeal June is the story of Kevin, a loner in a dead-end job who lives above a porn shop with a tarot-card obsessed cat named Mithra. Mithra begins bringing home what appears to be trash at first, until Kevin realizes that they are parts of a realistic sex doll who, when assembled, comes to life and identifies herself as June. In the meantime, they’re pursued by a pornographer who believes the doll belongs to him and a god of the Second World (we are in the First World) who loves her.

For a book about a sex doll, a pornographer, and beings cobbled together from various body parts, I’m surprised that there weren’t more graphic adult situations in this story, but the amount worked just right. It’s actually not gratuitous, but is really what is necessary to drive the story. Again, however, Krall seems to have an affinity for writing characters who have trouble controlling their bowels.

While the story is short and there’s not a whole lot of space to develop the characters, it felt as though there was a lot going on under the surface that we don’t see, giving them some depth. And the story, as I said, is quite solid and ties together quite well…sort of.

Let me explain this by saying that there are two main problems with this novel. The first and most obvious is that there are editing problems. Usually, I can overlook a few errors, but the errors here are numerous enough to be distracting, and I have to take a half-star off the final score in this case.

The second problem is the aforementioned issue with the plot. It’s really good and absorbing all the way through…and then ends suddenly. I mean very suddenly. It’s like the plot slammed into a brick wall at 70 MPH. I almost wonder if Krall either wrote himself into a corner or simply got bored with it and just decided to end it then and there. This is really disappointing because it was such a great story and I was ready to give the book a higher rating up until that point.

Piecemeal June is definitely worth your time, especially for it being a rookie effort from a talented bizarro author. Just keep in mind that it will end very abruptly and not in the most satisfying manner.

Piecemeal June by Jordan Krall earns four sex doll parts out of five.

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Book Review: King Scratch

King Scratch
King Scratch by Jordan Krall
My rating: 3.5 of 5 stars

If you want bizarro, Jordan Krall delivers with King Scratch. It’s certainly one of the weirder books I’ve read by him up to this point, the others being Beyond the Valley of the Apocalypse Donkeys, Fistful of Feet, and Squid Pulp Blues.

King Scratch is a weird acid trip of a book involving a couple off to help the man’s (Jim) ex-father-in-law (a moonshiner who Jim worked for) while being pursued by another man named Black Boned Keith for unknown reasons. After both are in different car accidents, things get really weird, involving sea creatures (mostly squid), Abraham Lincoln, John Wilkes Booth, and pancakes. This theme continues into the appendices of the book, which are really more a collection of short stories that are loosely related to the main story.

As I mentioned, this is one of Krall’s weirder books that I’ve read, sometimes to the point that it gets a little confusing. It’s also one of Krall’s more graphic books in terms of sex and violence, so reader be warned. If books like Fistful of Feet were too tame for you, then you’ll probably want to give this one a try.

It’s hard to write a review for this one without giving much away because, despite the short length, the book feels dense with plot elements and psychedelic visions. While the common elements that run through much of Krall’s books are present (i.e., squids and common characters, like Black Boned Keith; interesting that donkeys don’t have much of a presence in this one), the style feels like a departure compared to the Krall’s other works I’ve experienced. It’s good but, in my opinion, also felt a little less than Krall’s other books.

King Scratch by Jordan Krall earns 3.5 jars of squid moonshine out of 5.

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Book Review: Squid Pulp Blues

Squid Pulp Blues
Squid Pulp Blues by Jordan Krall
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Come to Thompson, New Jersey, home of longheads and Little Bing Bong, the apocalypse donkey.

Squid Pulp Blues by Jordan Krall is certainly different. It is a collection of three novellas (and one short story in the Kindle version) which focus primarily on the seedy underbelly of Thompson, New Jersey. It ties together in terms of theme with Krall’s other books I’ve read, Fistful of Feet and Beyond the Valley of the Apocalypse Donkeys. Like Fistful of Feet was a tribute to the western genre with a bizarro twist, so too is Squid Pulp Blues a tribute to pulp crime stories with a similar twist.

Most of the characters in these novellas are criminals in some form or another. In addition, there has been a war in which many of the veterans came back with elongated heads and exhibit weird behavior, hence the name “longheads.” There’s also a comic strip described in the novellas about Fauntleroy Leroux and his attempt to stop Little Bing Bong, the apocalypse donkey, something that may be more real than people think.

The first novella, “The Haberdasher,” focuses on the goings on one night near the Solar Lodge Motel, involving several criminal types, an unidentified crazy woman, and the Haberdasher himself, a bipolar mafioso captain with strange sexual fetishes. The second novella is “The Longheads,” which focuses on some other criminal types running from an incontinent partner out for revenge, all while the longheads in town begin exhibiting particularly weird behavior, even for them. Finally, we have “The Apocalypse Donkey,” following the comic artist of the current Fauntleroy Leroux comics, who becomes the victim of a case of mistaken identity. All the novellas loosely tie together.

The characters are generally interesting if somewhat cookie cutter. There does seem to be a common problem with some of the characters being able to control their bowels. Note to self: Bring your own water when visiting Thompson, New Jersey.

The main problem with the book comes in with the stories themselves. While the stories are all entertaining, they become predictable in the overall sense. The details are different, but as the second novella plays out, you realize that it’s going to end very similar to the first one, and there’s not much surprise with how the third one will play out. It’s mostly a question of who lives and who dies.

Despite this, the stories are fun reads and worth your time, especially if you like violence, depraved sex acts, squids, and donkeys.

Squid Pulp Blues by Jordan Krall earns 4 straight razors out of 5.

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