Tag Archives: grief

In Memory of My Grandfather, Jack Freedman

My grandfather passed away three days before this last Christmas. It was emotional. It threw us all. He was my last grandparent. I delivered the following speech at his funeral. I meant to put this up quite some time ago, but never got around to it. I think that I just didn’t want to touch it again for fear of the emotions it would bring back up. But I promised myself and others that I would post the speech here for posterity. I need to post more often because lately, it feels like I’m only posting to this blog when someone close to me passes away.

The following speech was given at my grandfather’s funeral on December 26. We love you, Grandpa:

Ninety-four. How do you encapsulate 94 years full of life into a short speech? Especially when my grandfather was so many things to so many people. A son, a brother, a husband, a father, a grandfather, a great grandfather, an uncle, a friend, a mathematician, an engineer, a teacher, an athlete, a card player, a movie-lover, a traveler… I feel like I could keep going for the rest of the day and still not be able to touch on everything he was. He was such a consistent presence in our lives that it was easy to believe he would be here forever, probably because it was almost impossible to imagine life without him.

I could talk about how he and I would go to the movies, just the two of us, usually to see something no one else wanted to. He had an appreciation for silly schlocky movies that I think I picked up from him. I could talk about how, when I and the other grandchildren were little, he loved to tickle us until we practically couldn’t breathe. About his smile that easily reached his eyes and would light up his whole face when he saw you. About his laugh, that the best I could describe it as would be a close relative of Barney Rubble’s laugh from “The Flintstones.”

A few days ago, we had to sit down and explain to Viviana that my grandfather had passed away. It’s hard to explain what it means in terms a 6-year-old can understand, especially something that, let’s be honest, do any of us really understand it? But she said something that stuck with me. She said that what she thinks happens to us is that we go up into the sky and become a star so that we can watch over our loved ones (she said this in a more roundabout way that a 6-year-old does, so I’m paraphrasing a bit). But it made me think of something.

My grandfather was a brilliant mathematician and engineer. He worked on several high-profile projects. We’re talking about the kind of things that made the news, although he himself never sought the spotlight. He always said that to him, it was just the job he was hired to do. But there was one project of his that always stuck out to me: the Galileo space probe. Being a science nerd, something that he actively encouraged, I was fascinated by this project. For those who aren’t familiar with it, it was the first probe of its kind. It was sent to orbit Jupiter and drop a probe into its atmosphere to take readings, something that had never been done before, and paved the way for other such projects later. I found out after its launch that he was on the team that designed it, and I was in awe when I found out. Galileo orbited Jupiter until 2003 when it was sent into a final descent into Jupiter. We think we know what happened to it then, but there is some room for speculation, and there it will remain.

For those of us who have had project-based jobs, we know that on particularly large or intensive projects, it can feel like you put a part of yourself into the project. While my grandfather maintained that it was just his job, I’m sure a part of him felt that way. In a way, it’s almost as though a part of my grandfather is up there.

So I know that on some night, I’m going to be outside with my daughter, and I’ll point up at the night sky and say, “You see that, right there? That little point of light right up there? In a way, a part of your great grandfather, his brilliant mind, is up there and a part of that light, and he’s watching over us right now and smiling.”

My Grandma

We lost my grandmother on Tuesday after a lengthy battle with Parkinson’s disease. While it was expected to happen at some point, it still comes as a shock when it does. The fact that she nearly made it to 91 years old with advanced Parkinson’s is a testament to just how tough and how full of life she was, even in her near-locked-in state. She and my grandfather were always on the go before Parkinson’s set it, taking cruises and traveling everywhere, always coming back with stories, many involving some sort of funny mishap. She was always the hostess with the mostest, hosting lots of family parties. That seemed to be when she was most in her element. She loved having family and friends around more than anything, which made the pandemic especially hard on her. And I’ll always remember how, especially at family dinners, she liked to tell jokes that let’s just politely say were “inappropriate.” 😂

Even though we’re all hurting right now, I feel thankful and privileged that she got to be a big part of my life for 44 years, and that she even got to see a couple of her great-grandchildren, my own daughter included. I’ve done my best to explain something that’s not fully explainable to my daughter, and she gets it about as much as you would expect a three-year-old would. But she definitely knows something is wrong and people are sad, but I want her to see that and I’m explaining to her that it’s okay and normal to be sad.

Most of her grandchildren referred to her as Booboo, a distortion of Bubbe, which is what her mother was known as before her. Initially, my grandmother didn’t want to take on the title, saying that Booboo was her mother, not her. But eventually, she warmed up to and embraced it. The problem is that I was old enough to remember her mother (my great-grandmother), so in my mind, she was always Grandma. She always had that warm, caring, and welcoming personality and would always greet you with a big smile that easily reached her eyes. Even near the end when she had no muscle control and was practically locked in, you could still see a smile in her eyes when she saw you. I’m going to miss that immensely.

Rest easy and without pain now, Grandma. I have little doubt that you already knew just how much you were loved, but I’ll say it anyway. We love you.